This Won't Last

The more I think about the stages of life, the more I realise no stage lasts forever. Change is constant … as they say. And that is good.

Here is a conversation that demonstrates the point. It was supposed to be about martial arts but it ended up being about life. In martial arts a student is confronted with highs and lows. At times the feeling is that they are actually getting worse. But each low creates the platform for the next level. Once the student realises that, he or she relaxes and understands it is a necessary stage of development. That is why the martial arts is split up into three stages – physical, mental and then spiritual. You work through the physical stage to become mentally stronger and finally spiritually calmer.

Trauma tends to have that effect on us.

“Surely this patch will finish soon”

It will. They always do.

“That’s a bit negative.”

It’s not meant to be negative, or positive. The truth is just meant to be the truth. It just enables you to breathe and be calm at this stage.

“But you don’t know what stage I’m in. And how long it will last for!”

I don’t need to. It’s a stage. It’s not meant to be permanent. That’s the definition of a stage. It’s transitional.

The funny thing is that each stage is meant to teach a lesson. If you don’t learn the lesson you will find yourself visiting the stage again later.

“So I have to beat it. Like in a game?”

It’s not about defeating something or being defeated. There is not you and the game. There is not you and the enemy. There is just you. You are the game. You are the situation. If you fight it, you are fighting yourself.
The idea is to step back from your emotions and see it for what it is. If you get angry, you block the message.

“Oh. Sort of being my own worst enemy.”

Not really. If you think ‘enemy’ you set up two sides within yourself. Think of the word ‘understanding.’ It’s about gaining an understanding of things.

“But if I think of all things and me as being two separate ideas isn't that the wrong outlook? Shouldn't I think of all things – the world – being a part of me? Sort of… the inner world and the outer world is still my world. If I think of it this way, if I think of controlling my inner world, I can change my outer world.

You will make a great teacher.

“No. I struggle too much.”

That’s what makes a great teacher. The struggle is a necessary stage.


As I said earlier, "Trauma tends to have that effect on us."
Therefore it is good for you. It just doesn't feel like it at the time. 

 

  

Martial Arts and Letting Go

The better the feeling 
the harder it is to let go.

Many years ago I saw a boxer have a go at kickboxing.
He had 22 knockouts to his unbeaten record. His opponent was a kickboxer with two fights for two wins.
I knew I was about to see something interesting but wasn't sure what.
In the opening seconds the boxer danced around and flicked a jab out. The Kickboxer watched.
The boxer danced and I remember thinking, "This guy can move".
Then it happened. The boxer faked a shot to the stomach then delivered the cleanest right hand I've ever seen.
I don't think I've ever seen such a knock out.

The blow was so effective they called all the judges in so that we could carry him out without damaging his spinal vertebrae.
The crowd was shocked ... as were the judges, referee and opposition cornermen.

Three months later the boxer stepped into the ring for the second time against another Kickboxer.
Same start to the fight.
Different finish.
The boxer on his toes. The Kickboxer watching. The boxer looking to deliver the crushing blow again.
The Kickboxer was ready this time. (He had obviously watched the first fight)
The kickboxer moved forward and established a "top lock" position. Two hands around the neck. The boxer must have thought all his Christmases had come at once. He could clearly see the unguarded ribs and stomach of his opponent. As he attempted to damage unguarded ribs, the knee of his opponent would crash home into his sternum. Over and over again this played out.
The rest of the fight continued with the boxer preparing to throw body shots but the Kickboxer slamming powerful knees home.

End result? Boxer disappointed in himself. And lost.
I don't blame him. The knock out he achieved in his first fight was something I will never forget.

The problem is sometimes old methods don't work in a new situation. The trick is to know when to let things go.
You see, some rules don't work forever. They have a use by date.
RIng rules and life rules.
So a question begs to be asked.
What are we holding on to that worked years ago but is now past its use by date?

I hope it doesn't take a knockout for me to see what needs dropping and what needs keeping.